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Birthday issues December 19, 2009

Posted by onlinejesus in Holy Rant.
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As you all know, ma’ birthday is coming up and I’m really pissed off. Everybody is singing fucking carols that I don’t need. Oh… look, baby Jesus is born… oh, look Mary is looking for a place to give birth, new hope onto the world… whatfuckingever! Listen, this is my birthday, I don’t want to hear songs about me and I really don’t like that you offer presents among yourselves. Hell (which is real and most of you will go there soon), if it’s my birthday I think I should have a little more material attention, amirite?!

Listen, this year I want a real car… make it a Porsche Turbo 911 (don’t you love the classics) and install a DSG gearbox for My sake! I’m sorry that I got all worked up, but this year, MJ would’ve bought me a lot of presents, but Dad decided to pull him off the stage. He is so passive-aggressive… just like in the Old Testament.

Pray to me,