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Birthday issues December 19, 2009

Posted by onlinejesus in Holy Rant.


As you all know, ma’ birthday is coming up and I’m really pissed off. Everybody is singing fucking carols that I don’t need. Oh… look, baby Jesus is born… oh, look Mary is looking for a place to give birth, new hope onto the world… whatfuckingever! Listen, this is my birthday, I don’t want to hear songs about me and I really don’t like that you offer presents among yourselves. Hell (which is real and most of you will go there soon), if it’s my birthday I think I should have a little more material attention, amirite?!

Listen, this year I want a real car… make it a Porsche Turbo 911 (don’t you love the classics) and install a DSG gearbox for My sake! I’m sorry that I got all worked up, but this year, MJ would’ve bought me a lot of presents, but Dad decided to pull him off the stage. He is so passive-aggressive… just like in the Old Testament.

Pray to me,



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